Thursday, March 30, 2006

Missing You

It’s never long enough
To say goodbye
When there is no time at all.
When it all happens in an instant
And I can’t even get there for an eternal day.
A month spent hoping,
While reality contracts
To three rooms.

A hospital bed
With screens for heartbeat and breath,
A waiting room
Filled with tense-faced strangers,
And a hotel room
Where sleep comes slowly.

Endless round of sameness,
Feeling helpless,
Worse than useless.
Unable to face getting out of bed
To wait through another day.
In going through the motions,
I somehow endure without screaming.
I become numb.

A year without you,
And there’s still part of me
In that silent space.
My heart’s thinly healed,
And the world
Just keeps going
Around.


-------------------
One year ago today was my mom's car accident. April 2005 was a long, bleak month spent mostly in the hospital in Bangor, Maine, hoping that Mom would wake up from the coma. But she didn't. In the year since, I have been sad, happy, depressed, angry, joyful, miserable, and resigned. Often several of these at once. It's been hard.

Though she actually passed away April 23, it was on March 30 that we lost her.

6 comments:

Claire said...

Sue, Oh my thoughts are with you. It is just a rotten thing to happen.
Claire

yoko said...

It's hard to believe it's already been a year. I wish you well in your healing.

cyndy said...

Grief is such a difficult thing...the mourning process takes so many different forms...I don't think it ever gets any easier, just "different". My friend who is an art therapist- once had me make a greiving vessel...and I had to write different things on paper and place them inside the vessel. Believe it or not ...that exercise really helped me through some tough times.
Hugs and prayers for you during this sorrowful anniversary.

PJ said...

Oh, that is so sad and I know that must be hard..what a nice tribute to her memory with that poem.
{{{hugs}}}

Kris said...

I started reading your blog not long after you lost your mom. I didn't realize that a year had already passed.

I'm thinking about you, praying for you.

How is your dad handling things?

Charleen said...

I think it does get easier, although some days, years later, it can still take your breath away.

The poem is beautiful. I hope that happiness and joy are more the norm as you pass this first anniversary.