Twelve years ago today was one of the happiest days of my life.  On that beautiful sunny morning, I walked across a green lawn to a gazebo overlooking a lake in Maine and married the man I loved.

I wonder if he even thought about me today?

I have good days and bad days.  Today was one of the bad ones.  I've been fighting tears all day.  Ugh.

Clearly, something in the operational sequence of my life needs to be revamped. 

1. Wake up.  Groan and hit the alarm clock because it really can't be time to get up already.
2. Take daughter to school.
3. Work all day.
4. Pick up daughter from after school care.
5. Go to grocery store because there is no food in the house for dinner or lunch tomorrow, and it really can't be put off any longer.
6. Spend $140 on no-frills healthy food.
7. Go home and put everything away.
8. Realize that I'm too exhausted to consider cooking anything.
9. Order pizza. 

Ridiculous.  I finally have healthy food begging to be prepared and I order a pizza.  Sometimes I am inordinately grateful that I can order pizza online in a few clicks, and they bring it to me, ready to eat immediately.

It's a sad state of affairs. 

(I remember the first time I watched the movie "The Net" and was so amazed that Sandra Bullock ordered a pizza via her computer.  That was like, whoah, amazing!  Science fiction!  How could that ever be possible?!)

I have this lovely daydream, in which I stand up in a meeting and utter a statement that is so profound, simple, and logical that all the people in the meeting stop arguing about minutiae and procedure and conflicting rules and ego.

Here's how it will go:


Them:  "... argue argue, YOU'RE WRONG, blah blah blah ..."

Me:  {profound statement that simplifies everything}

Them:  ...(quiet).... OH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me:  {bows and hands out cookies}


Sigh. Perhaps when I figure out the answer to Life, The Universe, And Everything, it will help.

Did you know that parents are required to buy Pokemon cards for their child whenever the child asks for them?

It's true.  Emma told me.

She said she read it in The Parent's Rule Book of Laws, which she found in the library last time we were there.  It was invisible, that's why I didn't see it.

I can't believe I managed for eight and a half years without knowing that this parenting gig came with a handbook.

This has been a hard week, in more ways than one.  I feel like I have a post I need to write.  I don't even fully know what I need to say in it, but there's something in me that needs to come out.

I just feel antsy.  Like I need to write or talk or run really fast or hike the Appalachian Trail.

The soul-crushing sadness, it makes me restless.

Image from http://www.marycassatt.org